Air Conditioner

Air conditioner

Death by Defenestration

Reading time: 1 minute

AMy old man had an expression. Used to say you could set your watch to it. Don’t nobody wear them watches no more, but you know.

Guy down the hall. 3E. Frain’s his name. Welching on bets his game. Owes me two large from Saturday. Claims Florida and Florida State are two different schools. I wasn’t born last night, sucker. If he don’t pay … he’ll pay. Know what I’m saying?

Frain’s a creature of habits. Like welching on bets. Also, annoying habits. Like whistling. Worse, for him, he walks under my apartment window on his way home from Starbucks. Same time every morning.

I ran some calculations. Marked a spot on the sidewalk with a piece of chalk. Fitted a ac fallHefty bag with the exact weight of my air conditioner. Conducted tests last night. Ain’t sayin’ I understand physics, but I can run a stopwatch.

Forecast today said early summer. Good time to install the window unit, right? Who coulda guessed a whistling Starbucks customer come ’round the corner just as I accidentally lose my grip on the old Frigidaire? Splat!

Goodbye, Mr. Frain. You welched your last bet.

chalk outline

April ushers in the A to Z Blogging Challenge. Can Frain recover? Of course he can. Like Wile E. Coyote, he must revive so we can read his next murder scene tomorrow. Every day brings a new weapon to polish him off. Will Monday (Sundays are a break) be…

  • Banana Peel
  • Baseball
  • Bowling Ball
  • Breasts
  • Bumblebees

Come back to find out! All month long, Frain gets murdered. (I can hear your glee!) Every day, there’s a new murder weapon based on the letter of the alphabet. Sundays, we rest.

76 thoughts on “Air Conditioner

  1. Killing yourself everyday! That’s going to be a painful month. Hope you don’t welch on that. I vote for breasts on Monday, purely out of intrigue as too how you will do that! Great stuff, look forward to reading of your death all month long 🙂

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  2. I did that once, dropped an air conditioner right out the window. No stopping it. Thank God, no one was standing under it! 🙂
    Interesting way to do it! Looking forward to the next scene. Breasts do sound like the most interesting. I mean slipping on a banana, nah, too easy! 😉

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    1. Oh my goodness, are you kidding me?!?! I used to put the air conditioners in my grandma’s house every year. Petrified me. The air conditioners, not my grandma, she was a tiny woman and full of fun and life. But oh, those air conditioners. And here you’ve tossed one and lived to tell about it. Nice!

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  3. Good one babe! Sorry to see you go! Lol. I’m guessing bowling ball – haha, actually I know it’s the baseball. But “breasts?” See u in a bit💕

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

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  4. Great “voice,” John! Poor creature of habit you.

    My vote – breasts. Gotta know how that might happen. (Smothered?) Oh wait…it could be…chicken breasts – smothered in…arsenic gravy? Ah, see how the mind works?

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    1. I make it a habit (whoa, see what I did there!) not to try and figure out how the mind of the best-selling author Donna Everhart works. That’s a scary proposition that way. But arsenic … too bad A is already over and done with.

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  5. I wonder what your therapist says about planning to kill yourself 26 times in one month! Or about the rest of us gleefully watching, for that matter. I love the voice in this little story, and look forward to more.

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  6. I am so happy you chose air-conditioner! Banana, baseball, and bees are all very conceivable. I choose breasts because I don’t know if it would be chicken breasts, or what instantly comes to mind. I agree with Celia, what would your therapist say?

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    1. Haha! OMG, imagine tossing a central air unit out the window. It’d be much harder to claim accidental in that case, but I sure like the idea of sending poisonous gas through the ventilation system. V is still a long way off. V for Vent? Hmm…

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    1. I bow toward your friend, Calen. Writing a mystery novel is tough business, so keep encouraging her! I love your name, by the way, might have to steal that for a work of my own. Hope you don’t mind getting killed in a story at some point! My process? My son tosses slips of paper in the air and runs while I throw a machete at them. Whichever one sticks to the wall…

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      1. LOL! I hope you don’t swing that sucker too close to him! 😉 (Calen – green, sar – stone, iel – maiden. My Elvish name based on my birthstone [emerald] and translated from a combination of Tolkien’s Quenya and Sindarin. 😀 )

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    1. Thanks, John. Opening Day is right around the corner, so there’s that. Of course, maybe Morganna will show up at Opening Day in some city, so there’s that too. Oh, am I dating myself by talking about Morganna? Oops.

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    1. LOL! That’s funny there. I’m so deserving, I think I’m gonna get it again soon. Just a gut feeling I’ve got. Defenestration is my new favorite word for the past few months, replacing a reluctant “juxtaposition.” And yes, when I tried this story out for accuracy, it did hurt. What we writers have to go through to make our stories plausible, huh!

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    1. I just finished reffing a playoff game up in Florissant. Is that what they were chanting? I thought they were all saying “Ref, ref, ref” and were cheering me on. I knew I wasn’t supposed to listen to the crowd.

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  7. I dropped an AC unit out the window just a couple months ago. It made a noise that needed a novelist to describe. I think I broke one finger on my left hand trying to grab it.

    It was all in a good cause if it prompted this story though.

    And B is for boomerang..or is that too pedestrian?

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    1. I love how you sneak “pedestrian” into a story about you dropping an AC unit out your window. Sounds like there’s more of a story there you’re suppressing. My therapist has several open slots after she fired me in case you need to set something up.

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  8. OKAY, you got me – I love crime mysteries! VERY creative idea. Wish I had thought of it.

    My theme is all about baby boomers and those years we grew up. Grab some cookies and milk and come on over. Atomic Bombs

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  9. Oh I love this so much! 😀 I’ll be back each day to see what weapon will be headed for Frain next hehe. I’ll vote for baseball or bumblebees for tomorrow’s sinister delights.

    I’m taking part in the challenge for the first time this year. 🙂 I’m a writer too, stepping outside my comfort zone and delving into crime writing. My theme is: Secret Diary Of A Serial Killer. http://nataliewestgate.com/2017/04/anna-secret-diary-of-a-serial-killer

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    1. Why thank you, Michelle. That’s actually a fun voice for me to write in. Works better with flash, I haven’t figured out a way to carry it out to a novel length ms, but who knows right? Slipping on a banana peel while swatting a bee? That’s definitely something I could do in real life!

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  10. Ouch! That had to hurt :/

    You had me smiling at “don’t nobody wear them watches no more” 🙂

    Off to a great start. Hope your inner Wile Coyote can handle the stress of the month!

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