Ice Sculpture

Deadly Vows

Snub Nose missed his only shot at Frain outside the rehearsal dinner on Thursday.I

Missed a second chance pre-ceremony, Saturday in the park.

Wanted to fire his thirty-eight in church when the minister asked if anyone objected to the marriage, but his fear of collateral damage – shooting the minister – stopped him from the delicious irony.

Frain’s future father-in-law told Snub Nose the reception was his last chance. “I can still get it annulled for 24 hours. Do it tonight or I send Jimmie the Fist your way.”

Snub Nose declined to mention that Jimmie the Fist was his alias. Changed his name based on the weapon he used to do the job. The complicated life of a hitman.

iceHandguns weren’t allowed at the reception. So The Butcher figured he could get Frain to choke on some meat, kill him with the Heimlich. But when Frain helped cut the cake, the assassin helped propel the ice sculpture … right into Frain’s temple.

“If I can’t do it in the church, I’ll do it in the temple,” The Iceman said. Frain died on the spot.

Before the investigation began, the murder weapon melted. His wife’s heart did too.

     *     *     *

Lookie there, my wife loves me after all. Well, when I’m dead and gone.

Okay, “I” was tough. (You probably noticed!) Deadline is minutes away and I’m still editing. This is why the back half of the alphabet scares me to … death? Oh geez, there I go again. Okay, come on back tomorrow for murder by…

  • Jack-in-the-Box
  • Jalapenos
  • Jeep
  • Jump Rope
  • Junkyard Dog

Wednesday’s entry is kinda creepy. I think you’ll enjoy it. If you want to see where this all started (and get a better story for your effort!), check out Death by Defenestration.

28 thoughts on “Ice Sculpture

  1. This looks better for the wife. The in laws though. You got yourself a double I Death- ice sculpture and in law.

    J is tough. Jack ‘O Latern has possibilities- Frain as the headless horseman?


    1. True with the double I, but my murder weapon has to correspond with the letter. Because it wasn’t challenging enough already, right? I’m such a dolt sometimes.

      I have been called brainless, but I’m not sure about headless. On Sunday, a guy walked up to me and told me I wasn’t a Christian and I’m a cheater. So headless is virtually a compliment in relative terms.!


  2. Man, this hits (har!) close to home since my daughter is getting married in a few weeks. Fortunately for all of us, we really like the man she’s chosen! No ice to the head for him.
    (Not in the church, but in the temple – groan. No wonder you died on the spot!)


    1. Haha! I gotta confess — I loved that line when I chanced upon it.

      Congrats to your daughter! I kinda like my son-in-law as well, but I don’t like to let him know it!


  3. I laughed several times during this one. Excellent!

    Death by jalapenos. I can certainly understand that one. But if it’s creepy, EM had a good idea in Jack-o-lantern.


    1. For me, creepy works like this: You take something likable and you turn it sinister. So, Stephen King’s clown in IT, for example. That dude is creepy! A jack-o-lantern could work the same way. It can be a friendly pumpkin that turns all sinister when you carve it and remove its head. Alas, I’m veering in a different direction…


    1. You’re spot on, Tamara. Jack-in-the-Boxes are inherently scary. And imagine if it was Stephen King’s clown from it that came popping outta that box. Ooooh, double shudder!


    1. Look at you, digging out a schwa to crown your “n.” Well done. Jalapenos. Ha! I just tried to type it to see if it was automatic. Nope! How’d you do that, Ms. Clever? I can’t even perform the procedure and it’s my blog!

      Jalapenos. Nope, I’m 0-for-2!


    1. Please try this: Replace every ( with and you should be all set (assuming that this posts the way I expect it to).

      (a href=””)John Davis Frain(/a)
      (a href=””)Ice Sculpture(/a)


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