Prosthetic Leg

P

Murder is a Kick

I’m ten feet away when it happens. Wouldn’t believe it otherwise.

I know the guy from O’Malley’s Tavern. Something Frain. Arsehole Frain maybe? The chick? Don’t recognize her, but I’ll never forget her.

The two of them, they get in an argument at the end of the bar. I see ’em through the window. Spills out into the alley where I’m relieving myself. I’m there first, so don’t judge. She says he’s finished drinking. He tells her the remaining eight ounces of his ale say otherwise. She kicks him in the cajones, and he folds like a flip phone.

Then – remember, I have a few drinks in me, but I’m sober now kinda – she leans against the alley wall and takes off her leg. Next thing I know, she’s beating the dude over the head with it. She sports the balance of a gymnast. Relentless as a champ.

I go back inside. She limps past the window. So I finish Frain’s beer. Turns out he’s done drinking, after all. When the cops show up, I say to them what’s a prosthetic leg, never heard a one before. Hey, she’s a looker. And c’mon, she’s available now.

     *      *       *

This is one of two entries based on a true story. The other hasn’t appeared yet. (I haven’t written it yet either.) I’ve changed the names to protect the guilty. I was not the person killed by a prosthetic leg. And my girlfriend when I used to go to O’Malley’s — well, come to think of it, she might be the person in this story. At least she can’t come after me for defamation of character, the person in this story is much nicer than she ever was.

 

37 thoughts on “Prosthetic Leg

    1. See there, I’m learning to write suspense. Just working on my craft, Joanne, thanks for noticing. But as long as you asked … the real life version is a woman who killed a guy with her prosthetic leg. It’s been a while since I came across the story, so I don’t remember the locale. But I bet it’d be easy to find. I gotta believe it’s only happened once.

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    1. Oh, death by query sounds too too painful. I’m not sure I could write that without falling apart completely. I’m working on my third Q and, in this case anyway, I think the third time’s a charm.

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  1. “Folds like a flip-phone”…GREAT line, along with several more blended within the story. BTW, isn’t the last sentence of your commentary, “nicer than she ever was,”rather defaming? Oh well, at least you can run faster.

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  2. Folds like a flip phone! That was a great line. Made me laugh out!!!
    Based on a true story. Whoa! I’d have never guessed that. I guess sometimes reality is even more twisted than fiction!

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    1. Haha! Eva, I’m guessing by your name that you’re not male. So cajones may be a foreign topic for you. But speaking for the male population — when you get a swift kick in the cajones, it’s about as painful as life gets.

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      1. I’m afraid it has nothing to do with being male or female. Cajones, in Spansh, means ‘drawers’. That add a surrealist note to the story, so I was wondering if that was intended.

        From the Urban Dictionary:

        cajones
        Spanish for “drawers” (as in, the kind in a dresser or desk). This word is often confused by non-Spanish speakers with cojones (note the different vowel sound), which is Spanish slang for balls, but they are in fact two very different words.
        Venta de escritorio con dos cajones (‘Desk for sale, with two drawers’).

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    2. Cojones?! Thank you, Eva. I had no idea. I’m on vacation with no internet access so I can’t do my usual research. Thanks for the heads up. Lesson learned! Gotta run — I lose access in 9 minutes I’m told.

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