Written by John Davis Frain

Cannonball

Orchestrating a Murder

Reading time; 1 minute

Four cellos and two violas swayed in, and my anxiety soared knowing my moment wasC near. But his time on earth, this Frain, this unpalatable percussionist – his time was dwindling. Like Tchaikovsky before me, I would send this solder boy to his deserved death.

I stealthily moved from my station, the xylophone unnecessary for Tchaikovsky’s masterpiece 1812 Overture. Positioned myself behind the loudest instrument on stage – the cannon! Oh, how I adored our conductor for his authenticity.

cannonThe first of my sixteen shots rang out, and I rejoiced. Direct hit! “Man down,” I yelled, but the cannons swallowed my voice. We had lost one snare drummer, but gained so much more. The sweet entry of church bells ushered in a crescendo. Also, a medic.

Unlike Tchaikovsky, however, Frain experienced no revival.

 

If you choose to play the Tchaikovsky music, the cannons come in with all their glory a little after the 12-minute mark. But it’s worth listening to the entire piece. Wonderful. Unless you’re on the wrong end of the cannon, of course. Come back to learn what Frain gets killed by April 5.

  • Dishwasher
  • Dinosaur (our first time-travel piece?)
  • Doberman
  • Donut
  • Drill

Editor’s note: My Tuesdays are wretched, so I won’t be able to visit other blogs till late.

 

32 thoughts on “Cannonball”

  2. Ok for baseball but… also Tchaikovsky is dangerous? I’m afraid that if I continue reading your posts, everything will seem lethal around me. Like donuts. Donuts are extremely wicked, I know.

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    1. I can’t tell you how many attempts I made to make donuts a murder weapon. Nothing worked for me. And I tried everything from chocolate long johns to raspberry jelly filled to cinnamon crullers, so I think you’re safe to eat a donut.

      Now, going to get that donut…

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Aren’t Mondays supposed to be ridiculous though? I mean, if I didn’t know better (and most people would agree I don’t), I’d say Mondays can be downright deadly. Can you kill someone with a Monday? Hmmm.

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    1. What’s with the killer donuts? I must admit, I had the same thought and I gave it my full effort. Maybe I had a mental block because I love donuts so much, and it’d ruin them for me. Whatever the case, I just couldn’t make donuts work as a murder weapon. Eat up!

      Oh wait, what if you substituted the raspberry filling for — omigosh, gotta run. Maybe there’s a baker who’s pissed off at Frain about a scathing Yelp review! Thank you!!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. That’s a really “heavy” post! 😉 Extremely creative, however. 😀 I’m gonna say dishwasher for the simple reason that the falling lid on my washing machine “bit” me and gave me a hematoma in an awkward place so I KNOW appliances can be man-eaters (or woman-eaters in my case!). o_O

    Calen~
    Impromptu Promptlings
    A to Z Challenge Letter C

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    1. OMG! Hematoma! I can’t even read the word without fear. I, too, got a hematoma in … an awkward place. Oh, the pain! And there was my girlfriend right with me. These memories are gonna kill me. Do I need an M?

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  6. Okay, now you really got me laughing! My boss has a cannon. He’s a civil war reenactor, not in an orchestra, but I think he will love this story anyhow. I’ll share it with him tomorrow. A donut? Seriously! Even you can’t die by donut 😉

    Collectorz

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sad, but true, I cannot die by a donut. I am living proof of it, in fact, because I have had more than my share of donuts. In fact, with all the talk about donuts today, I’m getting a hankering — gotta go! Back soon, with a fuller stomach!

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    1. Wouldn’t it be a tough way to go, getting ripped to shreds by a dinosaur? I guess if you’re gonna travel through time and hang out with a dino, it better be an omnivore. Omnivore, right? The plant eaters? Sheesh, I better study up on science before I start my time-traveling gig.

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      1. Now I’m thinking about the scene in Jurassic Park where they talk about vegi-saurus dinosaurs. I think herbivore is the term. Maybe? If I ever see one I’ll ask! 😉

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    1. I worry how painful Death by Dena might be. Something tells me you’d stretch it all the way out to Pain from Pawling just to gain a little more delight throughout the month.

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  12. Many moons ago I was in the Army Reserve band and for a special event commemorating the Battle of the Coral Sea we joined with the army and navy bands for a concert. We finished with the 1812 Overture – being military we had artillery gunners and their cannons. It was the most amazing performance I’ve ever been in.

    Of course doughnuts are safe because anaphylaxis would be under ‘a’, right?

    I’m voting drill (and please tell me ‘s’ will be for shark – getting my vote/plea in early *grin*).

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    1. Oooooh, I shoulda thought of shark. Where was my mind? (Don’t answer that.)

      I’ve gotten better organized this year and have several complete, including S. But now I might have to rethink that. What do I mean, “might?” Of course I have to rethink it. Thanks, AJ. I mean, thanks for coming up with more work for me!

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    1. You know, you make a good point. However, as I understand things, this has been performed indoors on several occasions. I don’t believe, however, that any of the symphonies have lost a drummer to the performance. That part was fictionalized. But I guess you could stretch things and say this is based on a true story like they always seem to do these days.

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