Elves are just funny, by nature.

So, naturally, some screw it up.

Reading time: 1 minute —

5. Marcus from Bad Santa – Yes, the feel-good family flick for the youngest kids in the family features a sullen, drunk and disorderly Billie Bob Thornton as Santa along with his sidekick Marcus (Tony Cox) who rob the mall after lock-up. Gather ‘round, kids! Watch Santa puke!

4. Buddy the Elf – Ah, Will Ferrell plays the six-foot elf who visits New York City in search of his papa, played by – can you believe it? – James Caan! How crazy is that? Well, you can probably find out more if you want because I’m sure it’s on several times this month.

3. (tie) Jingle and Jangle Bells – I don’t remember if they’re brothers or all elves have the surname “Bells” in this trying-to-become-a-classic. The Year Without A Santa Claus is a film you probably won’t remember, but do you remember Heat Miser? Yaaaaassssssssss, yes you do! I’m Mister Heat Miser, I’m Mister Heat…

2. Hermey the Dentist – I used to play softball against Hermey’s doppelganger. In fact, we all called him Hermey, and I’m pretty sure he knew exactly what we were talking about. But seriously, this classic picture highlights Rudolph’s birth defect and an entire island of misfit toys (Charley in the box, anyone?). Hero Hermey (“Who ever heard of an elf who wants to be a dentist?!!!”) saves Rudolph and Co. when he de-tooths the Abominable Snow Monster. Christmas is saved with Rudolph’s shiny nose.

1. Santa! – Just ask Clement C. Moore, who in line 45 states unequivocally: “He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf.” I’m talking about the book, ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas, of course.

Betcha thought Elvish Preshley was gonna make the list, didn’t ya! Truly, I don’t know how I stopped myself.