Written by John Davis Frain

Onion

onion
Frain was wrong — turns out it was something to cry about. (c) 2017. All rights reserved.

 

 

The Crying Game

She fondled the vial of succinylcholine. Could she bring herself to add it to his tea?

She regretted writing the note now. Eyes would focus on her as the spouse. The note would seal her fate. Still, to be rid of him, it might be worth it. She lifted the vial to the tea. Unable to squeeze. It wasn’t in her. Tears came. Tears of frustration.

She heard the door. Home already? She grabbed a carving knife and onion to mask her tears.

Frain entered the kitchen. Right hand waving her note. “We should talk about this.”

“Is there anything still to talk about?” Sniffled. One time. Couldn’t stop it.

“No need to cry.”

“I’m not crying. It’s the -”

“I think we can handle this like adults.  Two things bother me about your note.”

He wants to talk! Maybe he can change. Maybe he can become the man she married. For a flicker, she remembered Frain behind the volunteer table on race morning, handing her packet, the contents spilling, both of them laughing…

“Your third sentence needs an oxford comma. I get that I’m a liar and a cheat, but the casual reader will not understand you also expect me to practice a little housework.”

Did she hear him right? Was he going to start helping with housework?

“Even more egregious? Nit-picky gets a hyphen, especially here where it’s modifying asshole. Still, nothing to cry over. We can fix it.”

“It’s the onion making me cry, you nit picky asshole!” She hurled the onion at him. Somehow it stuck to his tie.

She’d forgotten to remove the carving knife.

O  

Tip o’ the cap to Kathy Joyce, a fellow Reider, who knew I was struggling with O and sent this:

Oleo (long, slow death) olio (death by combination of things) and “Oh, Leo” (death by orgasm).

Alas, I couldn’t improve on hers, so I had to switch to Onion. Tomorrow, P, is based on a real-life incident. Be sure to check back!

42 thoughts on “Onion”

  1. I really love these little tales. That is maybe not a good thing? But I do worry how often Frain is murdered by his wife. Maybe a little murder is the key to marital bliss?

    Like

  4. That made me laugh out. Hmm does that make me a psychopath.. I wonder. She might have done it accidentally on purpose but I think he brought it upon​ himself!

    Like

  5. >>Nit-picky gets a hyphen, especially here where it’s modifying asshole.

    LOL

    But now I have a soft spot for the old Frain, since he’s apparently a fan of the Oxford comma. Why oh why does he have to keep dying like this????! [I need an onion to mask these tears, preferably one without a knife…….]

    Like

    1. Lemme tell ya, I struggled with M and O. As it turned out, O came through rather well. But M, we must all agree, was rather lame. Next struggle: Q. Ugh! I’m sure that’s a universal feeling amongst folks doing the A to Z.

      Like

    1. Well, Kathy, with comments like these, I’ll take you to lunch and you can read them while we wait for your appetizer. Heck, I’ll cook you lunch. Wait, that wouldn’t be a reward. Never mind. Besides, if April has taught me one thing, it’s that women in my kitchen are bad for my health.

      Like

  12. death by onions oh no! I laughed at this, also, I kind of hate Frain, correcting her grammar like that, he couldn’t stop at one, silly Frain….

    have a lovely day.

    Like

  13. I’ve missed a few but this one stands out as your best yet! Funny, macabre – and sick. Yeah, all that and a pickle too! I mean onion.

    Like

    1. This one was fun. I think my wife enjoyed it a little too much, but when she wanted to re-enact it before dinner tonight I had to put my foot down. And take my tie off.

      All that and a pickle too! Where do these come from?!

      Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.