Written by John Davis Frain

Liquor

whiskey

A Toast to Murder

Here’s how it happened, more or less.

Frain walks into a bar. Stays for too many drinks. Then stays for a couple more till the bartender cuts him off. He says, “Anyone wanna hear a blonde joke?”

Blonde woman next to him says, “Asshole. I’m a black belt. See the blond bouncer? He’s two-hundred-fifty pounds of muscle. And the blonde bartender? She used to be an MMA fighter. You still wanna tell your stupid blonde joke?”

“Hell no,” Frain says. “Not if I’m gonna have to explain it three times.”

He turns to the blonde bartender and begs. “Whiskey? Just one drop?”

That’s when Black Belt Blondie shoves Frain’s nose into his brain. He collapses off his stool, head colliding with the tile floor. Way the bartender explains it, ’twas the drop that killed him.

L

Tomorrow marks the midpoint of the A to Z Challenge, and I’m exhausted from dying a dozen deaths.  You ever notice how the back half of the alphabet has some truly challenging letters? Come on back for another visit.

30 thoughts on “Liquor”

  1. Stop me if you’ve heard it before: a guy walks into a bar…

    You’re not the first slug who couldn’t handle his liquor or his blondes.

    M is your last easy letter I think because M is for Murder.

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  2. I’ll just jump ahead, and say, you need to be killed off on safari, by a zebra.

    Yes?

    I also want to add a baddaboom! to the story’s line “hell no, not if I have to explain it three times.” Haahahahaha! Good one. Are you dead yet?

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  3. Another fun death! But I have one problem with Black Belt Blondie – Master Pearson, who led both my husband and my daughter to their Tai Kwon Do black belts, would be very displeased with a student who killed someone over an insult. This is not The Way!

    But Frain probably deserved it anyway.

    Good luck with the rest of the alphabet.
    Mango, Molotov cocktail, Muppet
    Negligee, nuts, Nutella
    Owl, orchestra, oven
    Pretzel, psaltery, panda
    Quince, quest, quarterstaff (nah, too obviously a weapon)
    Roast, reverb, ringer
    Stamp, salsa, singer
    Triangle, tabby, toast
    Undertaker, user, uvula (I dare ya!)
    Violet, verse, valley
    Widget, waste, wombat
    X-ray, xenophobe, xylophone (not too many unexpected choices here)
    Youth, yttrium, yelling
    Zealot, Zorro, zero

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    1. Oh, I shudder to think of some of the letters coming up. A “Z” murder weapon? I might go peacefully into the night after Y.

      Hey, I suppose if I get killed in my sleep, my last words would be zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

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  10. Liked the ‘L’ – and am looking forward to a ‘meme’ and ‘ostrich’ death next 😛
    Seriously though, the next half is *tricky*. I know when I was planning fiction for my 2016 attempt, I used ‘xyster’… but I ended up not posting the fiction because it was FAR too dark for my little blog. But dark might suit your 2017 theme. By that time of the alphabet, anyway!
    Best of luck!

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    1. I have possibilities for Q, X and Z weapons, but I haven’t written any of them yet. Those are gonna be tough. The back half of the alphabet strikes me as MUCH more challenging that the front half, and that was hard enough!

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      1. Glad to know that you’ve got a list of possible weapons! It is tough but I’m confident that it’ll all come together nicely. The back half is indeed challenging. My theme for the challenge is way less complicated and yet I struggled a bit with those letters! Can’t wait to read those posts. Good luck!

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    1. Thanks for wandering over, Philip. It’s been a blast, which could have been B in this series.

      I’ll try and stop by your place tomorrow after the Easter festivities. Such a crazy busy time of year, eh! Happy Easter to you and yours. See you around the corner…

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