A Toast to Murder
Here’s how it happened, more or less.
Frain walks into a bar. Stays for too many drinks. Then stays for a couple more till the bartender cuts him off. He says, “Anyone wanna hear a blonde joke?”
Blonde woman next to him says, “Asshole. I’m a black belt. See the blond bouncer? He’s two-hundred-fifty pounds of muscle. And the blonde bartender? She used to be an MMA fighter. You still wanna tell your stupid blonde joke?”
“Hell no,” Frain says. “Not if I’m gonna have to explain it three times.”
He turns to the blonde bartender and begs. “Whiskey? Just one drop?”
That’s when Black Belt Blondie shoves Frain’s nose into his brain. He collapses off his stool, head colliding with the tile floor. Way the bartender explains it, ’twas the drop that killed him.
Tomorrow marks the midpoint of the A to Z Challenge, and I’m exhausted from dying a dozen deaths. You ever notice how the back half of the alphabet has some truly challenging letters? Come on back for another visit.
Stop me if you’ve heard it before: a guy walks into a bar…
You’re not the first slug who couldn’t handle his liquor or his blondes.
M is your last easy letter I think because M is for Murder.
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There was an easy letter? Shoot, it must’ve swooshed right by and I missed it.
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I’ll just jump ahead, and say, you need to be killed off on safari, by a zebra.
Yes?
I also want to add a baddaboom! to the story’s line “hell no, not if I have to explain it three times.” Haahahahaha! Good one. Are you dead yet?
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I’ve always wanted to go on a safari, but I never dreamed I’d encounter killer zebras.
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Another fun death! But I have one problem with Black Belt Blondie – Master Pearson, who led both my husband and my daughter to their Tai Kwon Do black belts, would be very displeased with a student who killed someone over an insult. This is not The Way!
But Frain probably deserved it anyway.
Good luck with the rest of the alphabet.
Mango, Molotov cocktail, Muppet
Negligee, nuts, Nutella
Owl, orchestra, oven
Pretzel, psaltery, panda
Quince, quest, quarterstaff (nah, too obviously a weapon)
Roast, reverb, ringer
Stamp, salsa, singer
Triangle, tabby, toast
Undertaker, user, uvula (I dare ya!)
Violet, verse, valley
Widget, waste, wombat
X-ray, xenophobe, xylophone (not too many unexpected choices here)
Youth, yttrium, yelling
Zealot, Zorro, zero
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Frain deserved it long before he got it. That’s the word on the street, anyway.
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Well, at least after that many drinks Frain didn’t feel the punch. Or even see it coming.
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Touche! And you’d think if he had any smarts, he’d see it coming by this point in April.
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Classic blonde joke!
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Which leads to a classic bar brawl.
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😀
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I bet that punchline is funnier than the one for the joke he wanted to tell.
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I think you’d win that bet, Nick. So I’m not putting my money against ya.
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I thought that liquor kills you slowly…
—–
Eva – Mail Adventures
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Oh, you’re spot on, Eva. You didn’t realize how often Frain had been coming to that bar and laying the same joke on these people? They’d had enough.
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Well, I thought the joke was funny lol! And good point – I hadn’t thought about the 2nd half of the alphabet but now you mention it there are some interesting letters back there. Death by zoetrope? 😉
Here’s my “L” post 🙂 http://nataliewestgate.com/2017/04/liar-secret-diary-of-a-serial-killer
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Oh, I shudder to think of some of the letters coming up. A “Z” murder weapon? I might go peacefully into the night after Y.
Hey, I suppose if I get killed in my sleep, my last words would be zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…
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Was he already laughing at his own joke when his nose met his brain?
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You know he was. He was the funniest guy he knew.
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Liked the ‘L’ – and am looking forward to a ‘meme’ and ‘ostrich’ death next 😛
Seriously though, the next half is *tricky*. I know when I was planning fiction for my 2016 attempt, I used ‘xyster’… but I ended up not posting the fiction because it was FAR too dark for my little blog. But dark might suit your 2017 theme. By that time of the alphabet, anyway!
Best of luck!
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xyster?! I’m gonna have to look that one up and see if someone could use it as a weapon. Never heard of it before! Thanks.
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Another letter done. Have you figured out Q,X and Z?
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I have possibilities for Q, X and Z weapons, but I haven’t written any of them yet. Those are gonna be tough. The back half of the alphabet strikes me as MUCH more challenging that the front half, and that was hard enough!
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Glad to know that you’ve got a list of possible weapons! It is tough but I’m confident that it’ll all come together nicely. The back half is indeed challenging. My theme for the challenge is way less complicated and yet I struggled a bit with those letters! Can’t wait to read those posts. Good luck!
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That made me laugh, and as I’m not blonde, I got it first time!
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Nice, Iain. Well struck!
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I came here because of Eva (MailAdventures) and I just binge-read all of your deaths so far…
Love the punchline to this one, and all the morbid, creepy, hilarious funny rest.
Phillip | M is for Mail Me Some Art
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Thanks for wandering over, Philip. It’s been a blast, which could have been B in this series.
I’ll try and stop by your place tomorrow after the Easter festivities. Such a crazy busy time of year, eh! Happy Easter to you and yours. See you around the corner…
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Three times! LMBO!!! GREAT!
Calen~
Impromptu Promptlings
A to Z Challenge Letter L
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Hey, I’m looking for your M. Did I miss it? It’s not showing up when I visit.
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