Murder With a Bad Altitude
My wife walked four paces behind me, a pink Colt revolver in her hand.
I mocked her. “Shoot me with your pinkie, and I might need a couple stitches to close the flesh wound.”
“It’s a thirty-eight. One shot into your cerebellum, they won’t bother with stitches.” Suddenly she’s a neurologist.
I couldn’t point out my cerebellum, but I knew it was in my brain. Probably right in front of the barrel of her Colt. My path led me to a hot air balloon.
“Climb aboard,” she said.
I objected. “But I don’t know how to pilot one of – ” her smile, the one that used to melt me, froze me now – “oh, I see.”
She pulled the anchors, cut the mooring lines, and I was airborne. The wind swept me away so quickly, I missed her parting wave.
I don’t know if she cleverly planned the power line or if that was a stroke of luck to end things early, but that’s where the fire started. And where my life ended.
It’s tough to use a hot air balloon as a murder weapon, but give my wife an incentive and a pink revolver and suddenly strange things begin to happen. Excuse me while I check my life insurance policy and figure out what’s going to get me with the letter I:
- Ice cream
- Ice sculpture
- Iron cross
- Ivory soap
- Ivy, of the poison variety
- I don’t know yet
You’ll have to come on back tomorrow to find out. I’m still digging my way outta my grave from the hot air balloon “accident.”
I begin to worry about how your wife seems to relish killing you. How frustrating for her that you keep coming back. Tomorrow you might avoid all things that begin with “I” including first person narratives lest you steal your wife’s thunder and kill yourself.
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Sound advice, Elise. Unfortunately, I’ve never been one to follow sound advice, so my prospects appear to be dim as usual.
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As a wife, I think it’s good to always have a plan! Fun story 🙂
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And a devious plan at that!
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Don’t waste your time checking your life insurance. Better start to think of divorcing that woman.
—–
Eva – Mail Adventures
H is for Harper
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And lose all the adventure in marriage? You gotta be kidding me! Nah, I’m sticking around. Things can only get better, right!?
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Always better to have the death look like a tragic accident. Congrats to your wife for pulling it off!
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I’m not even sure she’d use the word “tragic,” but thanks for adding that subtle note of sympathy. Although that might have been an accident too!
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It’s showing my age, but I immediately went to the classic 1967 5th Dimension song – Up Up and Away (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5akEgsZSfhg)
Wouldn’t you like to fly in my beautiful balloon?
Maybe not…
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Wow, I can’t tell you the last time I heard that song. Of course, that would assume I actually have heard that song before. It’s kinda catchy though.
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Very creative crime story indeed!
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Thank you, Shweta. I think it’s a crime story too. My wife says it’s just an adventure tale.
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Ohhh, it could be an adventurous tale that took a wrong turn somewhere and ended up as crime fiction! Do keep writing. I’ve included your blog in my list to AtoZ fiction-based blogs. 🙂
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Very clever! You’re giving me way too many great “ideas!”
Sent from my iPhone
>
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Busted!
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Maybe she meant for you to float out over the ocean and land there. The power line was a happy accident (well, from her point of view!)
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If I cleared the mountains, the winds were taking me ocean bound. She had a back-up plan and a contingency and didn’t need either one when the power line showed up. Ugh.
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Such tragic fun!
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Ah yes, tragic and fun. Tragic for me. Fun for everyone else. I think I’m getting the raw end of this deal.
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Lol! Only because that’s the end you keep writing. 😉
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Enjoying it, truly!
Ice cream, of course!
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I hope you’re enjoying it more than me. It’s starting to get painful from my POV.
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“It’s tough to use a hot air balloon as a murder weapon” should be the title of a book! lol! Another great murder, and I’m casting my vote for Ice Cream (for the next murder…and for eating).
Here’s my “H” 🙂 http://nataliewestgate.com/2017/04/hidden-secret-diary-of-a-serial-killer
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It would be totes unfair to make ice cream a murder weapon. Sacrilegious, I daresay.
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LOL… That’s a good one! But I’ve given up guessing. That’s a hard act to follow! 😀
Calen~
Impromptu Promptlings
A to Z Challenge Letter H
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I liked the structure of your story, and the choice of voice. It was really interesting for such a short piece.
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I was really into the writing of this one. It reminded me in combination of like a black and white movie with the old timey gangster ish accent and Palahniuk’s writing. That’s a huge compliment coming from me! :p I’m not sure if that comment made any sense….nice job!
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It made wonderful sense, thank you for expressing it!
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