Air conditioner
Death by Defenestration
Reading time: 1 minute
My old man had an expression. Used to say you could set your watch to it. Don’t nobody wear them watches no more, but you know.
Guy down the hall. 3E. Frain’s his name. Welching on bets his game. Owes me two large from Saturday. Claims Florida and Florida State are two different schools. I wasn’t born last night, sucker. If he don’t pay … he’ll pay. Know what I’m saying?
Frain’s a creature of habits. Like welching on bets. Also, annoying habits. Like whistling. Worse, for him, he walks under my apartment window on his way home from Starbucks. Same time every morning.
I ran some calculations. Marked a spot on the sidewalk with a piece of chalk. Fitted a 
Hefty bag with the exact weight of my air conditioner. Conducted tests last night. Ain’t sayin’ I understand physics, but I can run a stopwatch.
Forecast today said early summer. Good time to install the window unit, right? Who coulda guessed a whistling Starbucks customer come ’round the corner just as I accidentally lose my grip on the old Frigidaire? Splat!
Goodbye, Mr. Frain. You welched your last bet.
April ushers in the A to Z Blogging Challenge. Can Frain recover? Of course he can. Like Wile E. Coyote, he must revive so we can read his next murder scene tomorrow. Every day brings a new weapon to polish him off. Will Monday (Sundays are a break) be…
- Banana Peel
- Baseball
- Bowling Ball
- Breasts
- Bumblebees
Come back to find out! All month long, Frain gets murdered. (I can hear your glee!) Every day, there’s a new murder weapon based on the letter of the alphabet. Sundays, we rest.
JD Frain 
Killing yourself everyday! That’s going to be a painful month. Hope you don’t welch on that. I vote for breasts on Monday, purely out of intrigue as too how you will do that! Great stuff, look forward to reading of your death all month long 🙂
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It does look like a painful month, but imagine how easy May will feel.
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I did that once, dropped an air conditioner right out the window. No stopping it. Thank God, no one was standing under it! 🙂
Interesting way to do it! Looking forward to the next scene. Breasts do sound like the most interesting. I mean slipping on a banana, nah, too easy! 😉
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Oh my goodness, are you kidding me?!?! I used to put the air conditioners in my grandma’s house every year. Petrified me. The air conditioners, not my grandma, she was a tiny woman and full of fun and life. But oh, those air conditioners. And here you’ve tossed one and lived to tell about it. Nice!
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Ha! I *thought* it’d be the air-con! And I’m thinking that it’d be the banana peel next…
Love this, John! Looking forward to the rest 😀
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You’re one for one! If you get all twenty-six, let’s go in together on a lottery ticket!
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I knew it! The air conditioner! Fun story!
April Fools’ Day
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Sure, fun for you — you weren’t the one walking underneath the denestrated air conditioner! No worries, though, I’ll recover like a cat.
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Good one babe! Sorry to see you go! Lol. I’m guessing bowling ball – haha, actually I know it’s the baseball. But “breasts?” See u in a bit💕
Sent from my iPhone
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You know you just called me “babe” in public. People are gonna think you like me or something. Just warnin’ ya.
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Great “voice,” John! Poor creature of habit you.
My vote – breasts. Gotta know how that might happen. (Smothered?) Oh wait…it could be…chicken breasts – smothered in…arsenic gravy? Ah, see how the mind works?
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I make it a habit (whoa, see what I did there!) not to try and figure out how the mind of the best-selling author Donna Everhart works. That’s a scary proposition that way. But arsenic … too bad A is already over and done with.
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I wonder what your therapist says about planning to kill yourself 26 times in one month! Or about the rest of us gleefully watching, for that matter. I love the voice in this little story, and look forward to more.
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My new therapist just fired me. Apparently I ask more questions than I answer. But c’mon, I don’t know most of the answers. I don’t even understand most of the questions.
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I am so happy you chose air-conditioner! Banana, baseball, and bees are all very conceivable. I choose breasts because I don’t know if it would be chicken breasts, or what instantly comes to mind. I agree with Celia, what would your therapist say?
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It’s always a smart move to agree with Ceila. That way, if something goes wrong, you can just say it was Celia’s fault. Very wise of you! I better keep an eye on you during this deadly month…
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Of course! (Head slap) A window unit! Why was I thinking of central air? I guess some kind of poisonous gas could be vented into a house, but this was much simpler.
Please tell me you’re not going to be suffocated by stripper’s boobs on Monday.
A is for Apollo 11 moon landing: Was it real?
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Haha! OMG, imagine tossing a central air unit out the window. It’d be much harder to claim accidental in that case, but I sure like the idea of sending poisonous gas through the ventilation system. V is still a long way off. V for Vent? Hmm…
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LOL! So glad it was the air conditioner. That was my vote! Well done, John! My friend is writing a mystery novel. I should refer her to your blog for research! 😀 So are you drawing them out of a hat? What’s your process?
Calen~
Impromptu Promptlings
A to Z Challenge Letter A
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I bow toward your friend, Calen. Writing a mystery novel is tough business, so keep encouraging her! I love your name, by the way, might have to steal that for a work of my own. Hope you don’t mind getting killed in a story at some point! My process? My son tosses slips of paper in the air and runs while I throw a machete at them. Whichever one sticks to the wall…
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LOL! I hope you don’t swing that sucker too close to him! 😉 (Calen – green, sar – stone, iel – maiden. My Elvish name based on my birthstone [emerald] and translated from a combination of Tolkien’s Quenya and Sindarin. 😀 )
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I’ll go with “baseball.” A good start!
John Holton
A to Z Challenge Co-Host
The Sound Of One Hand Typing
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Thanks, John. Opening Day is right around the corner, so there’s that. Of course, maybe Morganna will show up at Opening Day in some city, so there’s that too. Oh, am I dating myself by talking about Morganna? Oops.
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Love this. Next one has to breasts. You won’t be the first man to die that way.
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LMBO!!! Love it! 😀
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I guess if you gotta go, there are worse ways to go right? He died with a smile on his face!
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Death by defenestration. That’s gotta hurt.
And as before, it couldn’t have happened to a more deserving person.
Onward to B!
Dena
https://denapawling.blogspot.com/2017/04/a-is-for-arizona.html
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LOL! That’s funny there. I’m so deserving, I think I’m gonna get it again soon. Just a gut feeling I’ve got. Defenestration is my new favorite word for the past few months, replacing a reluctant “juxtaposition.” And yes, when I tried this story out for accuracy, it did hurt. What we writers have to go through to make our stories plausible, huh!
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Loved this and how it was made to seem such a terrible accident. Yep, has to be breasts next. They’re getting a lot of interest.
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Breasts are getting a lot of interest? Nick, Nick, Nick…
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I don’t dare to say what will be next…
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Me neither, Eva. I’m scared to walk outta my house this month!
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Johnny frain, well done. Are you hearing the chant. Breast, breast, breast. Bring on the breast killer.
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I just finished reffing a playoff game up in Florissant. Is that what they were chanting? I thought they were all saying “Ref, ref, ref” and were cheering me on. I knew I wasn’t supposed to listen to the crowd.
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I dropped an AC unit out the window just a couple months ago. It made a noise that needed a novelist to describe. I think I broke one finger on my left hand trying to grab it.
It was all in a good cause if it prompted this story though.
And B is for boomerang..or is that too pedestrian?
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I love how you sneak “pedestrian” into a story about you dropping an AC unit out your window. Sounds like there’s more of a story there you’re suppressing. My therapist has several open slots after she fired me in case you need to set something up.
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I hope next post is banana peel AND bowling ball. What glee!
operationawesome6.blogspot.com/
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Oh yes! Dropping a banana peel on Lane 13 just to mess with the guy working on a turkey. That’s diabolical! No wonder I love it so much!
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OKAY, you got me – I love crime mysteries! VERY creative idea. Wish I had thought of it.
My theme is all about baby boomers and those years we grew up. Grab some cookies and milk and come on over. Atomic Bombs
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I don’t have cookies and milk (darn), but I’m on my way over anyway. Oh — was I supposed to share? Oops, I was never one to get hints very well.
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Yikes! That splat was horrific! I was laughing at the end though (wonder what’s wrong with me!>) And I shall be a routine visitor! I am glad I’m not walking under that window though!
Abbie’s Adventure Diaries
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You and me both! I’m gonna look up BEFORE I get to tall buildings, make sure there’s nothing aiming for me.
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Oh I love this so much! 😀 I’ll be back each day to see what weapon will be headed for Frain next hehe. I’ll vote for baseball or bumblebees for tomorrow’s sinister delights.
I’m taking part in the challenge for the first time this year. 🙂 I’m a writer too, stepping outside my comfort zone and delving into crime writing. My theme is: Secret Diary Of A Serial Killer. http://nataliewestgate.com/2017/04/anna-secret-diary-of-a-serial-killer
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I love the voice in your snippet!
I’m thinking that B is slipping on a banana peel while swatting a bee…?
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Why thank you, Michelle. That’s actually a fun voice for me to write in. Works better with flash, I haven’t figured out a way to carry it out to a novel length ms, but who knows right? Slipping on a banana peel while swatting a bee? That’s definitely something I could do in real life!
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Ouch! That had to hurt
You had me smiling at “don’t nobody wear them watches no more” 🙂
Off to a great start. Hope your inner Wile Coyote can handle the stress of the month!
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Ha! Good point, Joanne. Perhaps in May I’ll get to experience my inner Road Runner. That’d be a nice switch.
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🙂 🙂
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Now that is a creative use of an airconditioner and a rather permenant way to get rid of an annoying whistle! 🙂
Tasha
Tasha’s Thinkings – Shapeshifters and Werewolves
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It was an annoying whistle, though, so the air conditioner is a little more understanding.
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