UPHOLSTERER
The detective weighed the butcher knife in her hand as she weighed her Sergeant’s question, finally responding, “I keep a list of names.”
“I don’t want a list, Reid,” the Sergeant barked, “I want one name and I want it on my desk when I walk into work in the morning.”
They stood behind a city trash truck that had been seconds from crushing a sofa made heavy by the presence of a body sewn into the base.
Reid’s partner mused, “Who the hell sews a guy into the base of his own sofa, then puts him on the curb for morning pickup? By the way, it’s a helluva nice stitching job.”
Reid turned away from her Sergeant and smiled as she eyed one name on her list: Earl “Threads” Taylor, Upholsterer. ###
I had an Undertaker story all cued up, and then some Upholsterer jumped in and kicked the undertaker out of the running. For the A to Z Challenge, we’re doing six-sentence stories, inspired by Hemingway who introduced the six-word story. (For sale: Baby shoes, never worn.) Thanks to my wife, Janet, who threw Upholsterer my way. And warned me I’d be seeing the Undertaker if I didn’t heed her suggestion, whatever that means.
This is the final week of the A to Z Challenge. (Read: Yesssssss!) Come back tomorrow to see what happens to V. Phone lines are open for requests.
I would have gone Undertaker myself, but given your wife’s persuasion, I think you did the right thing. And this was creative. Is it wrong that I laughed at the dead body sewn into the couch? And that crafty little reference and line from our esteemed Queen. Sometimes I feel like a dead body sewn into my couch. Great stuff. So will V be a viceroy, villain, vice cop, virologist? I can’t wait to see.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I painted myself into a corner with that reference at the reef. Got on my high horse a little. No worries, I’ve come crashing back down. I’m gonna have to look up virologist, but if it plays the way I’m thinking, that’s a nice one.
LikeLike
Love this story! And yes, I always recommend doing what your wife tells you to do lol
For V, my Monday morning brain came up with victim. I know, not that helpful. Violinist, virtuoso, vitamin seller, voter. You can go historical and use victrola repair.
LikeLiked by 1 person
My wife agrees with your recommendation — I don’t even have to ask her! I bet the Victrola repairer is about as lonely as that ol’ Maytag repairman used to be in the TV commercials. A violinist, though, that’s got some heat with it, eh? The things you can do with a violin and whatever they call that thing that plays it. Jeez, it must be Monday, I can think of anything yet.
LikeLike
Upholsterer was not an easy one to fit in! You did a good job out of it 🙂 (Had to look up that word too, because I thought it had to do with a gun, like a holster)
I just woke up so I have nothing for V except Valedictorian and Van driver.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Upholsterer was tougher than I thought. Worked in my head much better than paper. Or screen, whatever. I was underwhelmed with my result, so I tried Undertaker and was even less whelmed. This one won’t make the Best of album.
LikeLike
Fun! Of course, it will turn out that the upholsterer was framed by the undertaker, but that’s another story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, framed is a great word that I left out. Shame on me. Another mistake with U. Nowhere to go from here but up. Or at least forward … towards May!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Clever perpetrator name – Earl “Threads” Taylor, Upholsterer. And, I feel so validated! Thanks! Maybe ventriloquist?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Heyyyyy, I was thinking ventriloquist too. Wow, if we start dressing alike too, people are really gonna start to get suspicious…
LikeLike
Well, looks like you have U all sewn up there, John! 😉 Nice one. As for V… has someone suggested Vice President? Or Voodoo Practitioner? Or Vulcan Interpreter?
I look forward to seeing what you end up doing… 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wouldn’t it be interesting to be in the IRS and see all the job titles people put on their taxes. Like, do you suppose there is someone in the bayou of Louisiana who actually puts voodoo practitioner on their taxes? As we know, that voodoo business has to be profitable by Year 3 or their only a voodoo hobbyist. Hello? Google? Got one for ya…
LikeLike
Nice. I always like a challenge during A to Z. Glad I stopped by.
Stu
Tale Spinning
https://stuartnager.wordpress.com/
LikeLiked by 1 person
Stu, I gotta swing by your neighborhood just to figure out what the heck is going on in that picture?! I don’t think that’s legal in some parts of the world.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great story. I suppose this was an overstuffed couch or maybe a fainting couch. I really am going to miss these stories. I am kind of sad.
This has been a fun exercise. I missed so many stories, though. I forgot who all was playing.
V: Vacuum cleaner repairman or door to door salesman. Vampire. Vampire hunter. Valve grinder. Veterinarian. Vine pruner. Voltage tester. Vulcan actor.
LikeLiked by 1 person
HA! It was sure an overstuffed couch by the time our guilty upholsterer Mr. Taylor got through with it. Disposing the body is always the tough part, eh?
Veterinarian sure has possibilities doesn’t it! Wow, my mind went from zero to gruesome in about 1.2 seconds after reading that. Hopefully by the middle of May I’ll return to being a normal citizen. But probably not.
LikeLike
Well, that depends on where your normal scale falls.
LikeLike
What a devilish way of getting rid of the body! Sofas can be so heavy, the trash guys may never have noticed the extra weight. By the time the sofa began getting pungent, the dump-slop could be blamed. Genius!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, we know where your mind quickly goes, Kate. And we love you for it!
LikeLike
Loved this, John! As always, you’re an inspiration to get the entire story into just six sentences. I reckon that WIP won’t stand a chance, come May!
LikeLike