Written by John Davis Frain

A to Z Challenge: U

UPHOLSTERER

The detective weighed the butcher knife in her hand as she weighed her Sergeant’s Uquestion, finally responding, “I keep a list of names.”

“I don’t want a list, Reid,” the Sergeant barked, “I want one name and I want it on my desk when I walk into work in the morning.”

They stood behind a city trash truck that had been seconds from crushing a sofa made heavy by the presence of a body sewn into the base.

Reid’s partner mused, “Who the hell sews a guy into the base of his own sofa, then puts him on the curb for morning pickup? By the way, it’s a helluva nice stitching job.”

Reid turned away from her Sergeant and smiled as she eyed one name on her list: Earl “Threads” Taylor, Upholsterer.  ###

 

I had an Undertaker story all cued up, and then some Upholsterer jumped in and kicked the undertaker out of the running. For the A to Z Challenge, we’re doing six-sentence stories, inspired by Hemingway who introduced the six-word story. (For sale: Baby shoes, never worn.) Thanks to my wife, Janet, who threw Upholsterer my way. And warned me I’d be seeing the Undertaker if I didn’t heed her suggestion, whatever that means.

This is the final week of the A to Z Challenge. (Read: Yesssssss!) Come back tomorrow to see what happens to V. Phone lines are open for requests.

 

 

 

20 thoughts on “A to Z Challenge: U”

  1. I would have gone Undertaker myself, but given your wife’s persuasion, I think you did the right thing. And this was creative. Is it wrong that I laughed at the dead body sewn into the couch? And that crafty little reference and line from our esteemed Queen. Sometimes I feel like a dead body sewn into my couch. Great stuff. So will V be a viceroy, villain, vice cop, virologist? I can’t wait to see.

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    1. I painted myself into a corner with that reference at the reef. Got on my high horse a little. No worries, I’ve come crashing back down. I’m gonna have to look up virologist, but if it plays the way I’m thinking, that’s a nice one.

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  2. Love this story! And yes, I always recommend doing what your wife tells you to do lol

    For V, my Monday morning brain came up with victim. I know, not that helpful. Violinist, virtuoso, vitamin seller, voter. You can go historical and use victrola repair.

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    1. My wife agrees with your recommendation — I don’t even have to ask her! I bet the Victrola repairer is about as lonely as that ol’ Maytag repairman used to be in the TV commercials. A violinist, though, that’s got some heat with it, eh? The things you can do with a violin and whatever they call that thing that plays it. Jeez, it must be Monday, I can think of anything yet.

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  3. Upholsterer was not an easy one to fit in! You did a good job out of it 🙂 (Had to look up that word too, because I thought it had to do with a gun, like a holster)
    I just woke up so I have nothing for V except Valedictorian and Van driver.

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    1. Upholsterer was tougher than I thought. Worked in my head much better than paper. Or screen, whatever. I was underwhelmed with my result, so I tried Undertaker and was even less whelmed. This one won’t make the Best of album.

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  5. Clever perpetrator name – Earl “Threads” Taylor, Upholsterer. And, I feel so validated! Thanks! Maybe ventriloquist?

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  6. Well, looks like you have U all sewn up there, John! 😉 Nice one. As for V… has someone suggested Vice President? Or Voodoo Practitioner? Or Vulcan Interpreter?

    I look forward to seeing what you end up doing… 🙂

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    1. Wouldn’t it be interesting to be in the IRS and see all the job titles people put on their taxes. Like, do you suppose there is someone in the bayou of Louisiana who actually puts voodoo practitioner on their taxes? As we know, that voodoo business has to be profitable by Year 3 or their only a voodoo hobbyist. Hello? Google? Got one for ya…

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  8. Great story. I suppose this was an overstuffed couch or maybe a fainting couch. I really am going to miss these stories. I am kind of sad.

    This has been a fun exercise. I missed so many stories, though. I forgot who all was playing.

    V: Vacuum cleaner repairman or door to door salesman. Vampire. Vampire hunter. Valve grinder. Veterinarian. Vine pruner. Voltage tester. Vulcan actor.

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    1. HA! It was sure an overstuffed couch by the time our guilty upholsterer Mr. Taylor got through with it. Disposing the body is always the tough part, eh?

      Veterinarian sure has possibilities doesn’t it! Wow, my mind went from zero to gruesome in about 1.2 seconds after reading that. Hopefully by the middle of May I’ll return to being a normal citizen. But probably not.

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